Behavior shaping and Pumpkins

We bought 2 pumpkins last weekend at Thistleberry Farms. The intent was to carve them into jack-o-lanterns and bake the seeds. DT was excited and counting down the days til Wednesday, the day we told him we'd "probably" be able to get to it. And as you can imagine, seeing these pumpkins whole for 4 days was not easy for a 5-year old. But we had a busy week and knew Wednesday would be the first possible day we could even think about them.

We've tried to be very consistent in our raising of DT. If we tell him "no" and he continues with an offense, we follow with some action that we feel appropriate. We want him to know that we mean what we say. So following through is necessary. Not just sometimes. Everytime. Consistency is key.

Behavior shaping works when a child knows what to expect. If you tell a child "no" and you consistently (without exception) follow through, the child learns to expect the response. And the child begins to makes choices, knowing that response will follow if he chooses the behavior again. He becomes less impulsive and begins talking himself out of the unacceptable behavior.

For example: DT throws a book. I tell him that's not acceptable behavior and to pick it up and put it where it belongs. Anytime he throws a book, I tell him the same thing. He always has to pick up the book and put it away. Eventually, the behavior is extinguished. He knows that if he throws a book, he has to pick it up. It's a natural consequence and he knows that's what will happen.

Well, there's another side to teaching consistency. If I tell DT we'll carve pumpkins on Wednesday and he's looking forward to it, we need to carve pumpkins on Wednesday. Even though we just got back from the barber shop and DT needs a bath. And even though it's 7:00 and we haven't started making supper. And even though tomorrow both parents will be at school for more than 12 hours because they're teachers and it's parent-teacher conference day, we need to carve pumpkins.

And so we did. And hopefully DT learned that we stick to our word.